The Dread Pirate: Kim Possible
by pheonia
Summary: Kim like you've never seen her before... on the high seas. anchors away!
1. Chapter 1

Hi A/N: before you read this story you need to realize that it is set in the 17th century somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean… there are no computers or telephones or all that junk… enjoy.

The Dread Pirate: Kim Possible

Chapter 1: You're my Captive!

* * *

There was nothing but water…

Ron sighed dragging his damp legs closer to his chest, making it marginally more comfortable on the cramped piece of drift wood that he was using as a raft.

Stupid bonnie he thought to himself as he brooded.

* * *

It had happened several days ago when Ron was on a, slightly larger piece of driftwood, called a "ship" that was bound for America. 

Ron had been told that America was the place to be. As much food as you could eat… Even TACOS!

But so far he had not been so lucky in the food department…

"Cheese please" Ron smiled at the old crone who dished out food in the ships lunch line. She didn't smile back. She did slop something onto his tray that looked an awful lot like… well I don't want to say what it looked like, and it SMELLED even worse.

Ron silently gagged at the thing that was not cheese.

He croaked out a "Please and thank you" to the blue haired crone hoping that maybe someday, in the future, he could get on her good side and she might actually give him something edible… but it was unlikely.

Ron took his plate delicately in both hands, and tottered towards a table in the corner. Once he was seated he took the spoon in one hand and looked dubiously at the 'food'.

Ron was battling down the disgust in his belly enough so that he could actually eat when a woman in a frilly pink dress just reeking of money came up behind him.

"Ron STOPPABLE" She cried.

Ron turned around and regarded her around his spoon. Her name was Bonnie Banks and she was quite a pretty girl… if you could get past the whole attitude thing.

"What?" Ron said dearly wanting to get back to the serious issue of snackage.

Bonnie crossed her arms across her chest and gave him a 'you're so dumb' look

"In case you haven't noticed Ron, the ship is running out of rations…" Seeing Ron's uncomprehending look, she elaborated "You know FOOD."

"Yeah so" he shrugged.

"So," Bonnie came nose to nose with Ron, huffing at him… "This is your FIFTH meal today."

"Yeah so" he shrugged again.

"So" Gil, Bonnie's beau, came up behind her. Bonnie gave Ron a smile that reeked of gleeful malice. "The captain has agreed that you should be thrown off of the ship to save us all from starvation."

"Oh" Ron gulped as Gil loomed over him.

* * *

Ron sighed that had been three days ago and it did not look good for the Ronster. 

He was even running out of the packs of sea crackers that his friend Felix, had somehow managed to smuggle to him as he was thrown off. Ron was down to his last cracker and he stared at it for a while before putting it in his mouth and swallowing.

Yep it most definitely did not look good.

Ron fell asleep with his stomach still growling hoping that in the morning he would be rescued….

As he fell asleep a breeze rustled past his cheek as if to reassure him.

* * *

The breeze swept along the oceans waves gaining speed until they whipped through a certain red headed girl's hair. 

Kim Possible sighed as she leaned on the ships rail. "This is absolute heaven" she mumbled to herself dreamily, gazing out to sea.

"MINE" she thought to herself, looking possessively at the Ocean. To Kim the Ocean meant more than just a bunch of slightly salty water. It meant freedom. And it was something that she had nearly lost once upon a time ago.

Kim's clothing was fairly unusual. She was wearing very loose navy blue pants held up by a belt, instead of skirts or petticoats fashionable at the time, her shirt was tied up to reveal her abs, and she wore a large very large navy blue jacket that flapped about her on the wind. Her head was a black hat tilted to the side and it was the only symbol that she wore to signify her standing on the ship.

"KIM"

Kim turned away from the Ocean, smiling at her friend Wade as he ran as fast as his small legs would carry him.

"What's the stitch Wade?" Kim leaned back on the rim of the ship, letting the sun bake her skin to a golden brown, while she watched Wade; amusement crinkling the corners of her green eyes.

"Captain Kim" Wade smiled "We have a captive."

* * *

Ron Was in heaven. He was surrounded by **FOOD**! 

He didn't know what to eat first and so he ate it ALL! Turkey legs, chicken legs, apples bananas, and bread, you name it he ate it and in record time.

Monique who was guarding their newest captive, Ron, blanched at Ron's eating manners "Where on EARTH did this clown come from?" she wondered. "And didn't they have spoons or PLATES?"

Monique was interrupted from her ponderings when Captain Kim walked through the door and into the galley

Ron paused in his gorging to gap at the captain. She was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen.

"Gorge, much?". Kim looked around at the absolute havoc that Ron had reeked on HER Galley.

"Uhhh." Ron blushed. For some reason he couldn't look her in the eye.

"Nevermind, doesn't matter anyway." Kim shook her head. She stepped closer to Ron and looked him straight in the eye smiling a slightly evil grin. "All you need to know is this… You're my captive!"

To be continued

Wow I have had like way too much caffeine must go lay down somewhere quiet now.. Before I go into all out monkey kung fu.

FWAAA! waves arms around madly


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you if you reviewed. And because I forgot to write this into the 1st chapter I don't own kim possible. :Bows: thank you!

The Dread Pirate: Kim Possible 

Chapter 2: Of Ransom and Piracy

The Ship Drama rocked back and forth slowly on the calm sea. Its sails were fluttering softly in the wind. On top of the mast flew the familiar symbol of the skull and cross bones.

On board the ship Monique was not nearly as calm. She chewed at her writing stylus that she was writing with, looking up with chocolate eyes at the new captive that she was interviewing.

"So, you got a rich wife?"

Ron happily replied "Nope," He leaned forward in his chair with a smile. "Why are you asking for the job?"

Monique bit the stylus harder.

"How bout a rich uncle."

Ron pondered for a second scratching his chin. "Um…not that I'm aware of…"

"Do you have anything of value on you…"

"Just this" Ron reached into his pocket and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. He then handed it, with a flourish, across the wooden table to Monique.

"What's this?"

"It's my idea for a restaurant. It's going to make me rich someday"

"Bueno NACHO!"

"Yep," Ron smiled waving his arms around in the air excitedly. "It's going to be muy bueno with tons of Queso and my own invention called a NACO!"

Monique stared at Ron for a second, who was still waving his hands and babbling wildly about opening up his own restaurant (which he would then get free food from), before getting up out of her chair and holding up a finger. "Excuse me for a moment."

Monique stomped angrily out of the room, eyes flashing, she knew if she had to deal one more instant with that idiot she was going to… well she didn't know but it wouldn't be pretty.

"KIM!"

Kim who was climbing ropes at the time dropped down from the sky twisting in the air to land on her feet, landing with a practiced grace and standing up to face Monique. Monique who was used to Kim's acrobatics didn't even bat an eye. "What's up Monique?"

"This dude," she pointed at Ron behind her. "Is completely useless, I, for one, vote we just put him back in the ocean where we found him and then hightail it out of there."

"Well we can't do that," Kim frowned. "That wouldn't be cool of us."

"Hello!" Monique waved her hand in front of Kims face. "We're pirates! We're not supposed to be cool!"

"Well," Kim smirked at Monique, "maybe YOU"RE not cool."

"harsh." Kim smiled at Monique.

Kim pulled a serious face as she approached Ron. Ron looked up at Kim stopping his rant momentarily.

"Hi" Kim smiled, "Ron was it?" Ron nodded.

"It seems that you don't have anything we need." Kim stopped fingering her sword. "Now normal pirates would just throw you over the side."

Ron gulped.

Kim smiled "But we're not normal pirates." She leaned over the table "So what would you say to becoming a pirate yourself."

Ron looked up hopefully "Would you feed me."

"Of course." Kim nodded.

"BADICAL!" Ron threw his arms in the air then grabbed Kim's arm and shook it. "You've got yourself a PIRATE!"

"Great," Kim smirked like a Cheshire cat. "Monique will train you."

"Huh?" Monique put her arms on her hips glared at Kim's back. "I know you didn't just say what you said."

Kim disentangled herself from Ron who was still murmuring things like 'food!' and gave Monique a look "Mmm-k Monique who's the captain of this ship?"

Monique looked to the side. "You are"

"That's right." Kim looked smugly from Monique to Ron. "I think you'll both have fun with this." With that she strutted out of the room leaving a very frustrated Monique behind.

After a while Monique shook her head. "Sigh, come on genius we gotta go start you're training."

"Can we eat First?" Ron asked as Monique dragged Ron by one of his overly large ears.

"No!"

Man I feel weird using kim like language in a pirate setting. . 

Thanks to my two reviewers


	3. Chapter 3

Hi Thank you to all my reviewers and your helpful comments 

SM, surforst, jak4, Ramafan, gargoylesama, Cylon one and Aelis aisling.

As to Ron and Kim: Yes this is a Ron and Kim fic…

Also I don't have cable so I've only seen a few episodes and the movies so sorry if anything is off. (as to pirate research I'm no expert just a writer )

Hoping this chapter will be longer than the last two (I though they were long and then I posted them and they were freakin' short!)

Notes:

"(" ")" thoughts

I don't own Kim Possible.

The Dread Pirate Kim Possible: Chapter 3

Of Training and Naked mole rats.

* * *

The sky is a beautiful shade of blue, clouds merrily dancing along its surface when a loud scream breaks the air.

"GOD! Could you be any more hopeless?" Monique a chocolate skinned girl brandishes her arms about in frustration at Ron; who is wrapped up completely in the rope that he was trying to tie into a sailor's knot. The rope covers all of his body making him look like a mummy.

Ron (Hi my name is Ron)

Monique continues to wave her arms around and rant. "I mean it would be one thing if you just couldn't tie rope or tell the deck from the mast."

Ron: (And for several weeks now I've been in training to be a pirate.)

Monique gets in Ron's face. "But you can't do," Monique pushes her finger into Ron's chest, "An-N-Thang!"

Ron gulps: (As you can tell, it's not going so hot.)

She spins around, "Not only can not do anything, but when I try to get you to do something. You mess up. I've tried to get you to raise the sails; and you knock yourself out taking half the crew with you. I tried to get you to scrub the deck and you somehow melt a hole in the floor. Cooking wasn't much better." Monique puts her arms on her hips and gives Ron 'the Look', "and I am not risking my neck by giving you a sword. I mean…Honey child, if you would just…."

"What's the sitch?" Kim suddenly drops out of the sky making Monique freak.

. (How in the world does she do that?) thinks Monique as she faces her friend.

"OH! Kim hi!." Monique smiles nervously "What up girl?"

"Nutthin' Mu…" Kim tails off as she finally sees Ron who is still wrapped up in yards of rope. "What happened to him?"

Monique looks at Ron pretending innocence "Hmm? Oh Ron… well you told me to train him." Monique nods smiling at Kim.

"Yes but what exactly are you training him to do."

"Well, heh! heh, funny you should mention that…" Monique scrabbles around frantically for a feasible idea when…

"Land Ahoi!"

Kim turns around looking at the crow's nest. "This'll have to wait. We've got bigger fish to fry."

Monique sighs in relief.

Kim smiles at Monique, "Monique, prep Ron for the mission."

Monique's mouth hangs open slightly as she stares blankly at Kim. "Huh?" she squeaks out.

Kim Shrugs, "Well how else am I gonna see the awesome skillz your training has given Ron?" Kim starts to head off to get the rest of her crew ready, "Well, I'll see you guys later!"

Monique slaps herself in the forehead, "You've got to be kidding me." She looks at Ron still wrapped in rope; his big brown eyes pleading for help. "This is so not going to be pretty."

* * *

Several minutes and many yards of rope later, Ron is placed in a small rowboat with: Kim, Monique and several other crew members. They move quickly through the water with practiced ease.

Kim Sits at the front of the boat facing towards land letting her hair fly free in the wind around her. "Ahh!" She wraps her arms around herself "There's nothing like a mission to make me feel like a new woman!"

Ron fidgets nervously in his uncomfortable wooden seat next to Kim and she notices.

"What's up?" she inquires as she turns around to face Ron.

Ron puts his left arm behind his head and looks off to the side. "Well.. I'm just not sure about this whole thing.."

"What thing"

"This whole mission thing.. I.. I." Ron looks down at his lap. "I don't think I'll be any good." He mutters.

"Oh, come on," Kim reaches out with her hand to grab Ron's chin and make him look at her. "You've gone through Monique's training…strange as it was, right?

Ron shrugs "yeah I guess."

"Then there's nothing to worry about." Kim smiles, and Ron takes a deep breath in when he notices how beautiful she is.

But the small Ship hits shore just then, and immediately Kim leaps out of the boat, her entire demeanor changing to 'captain mode' so she could direct her crew better.

"All right crew … we gotta be tight with this." She points into the forest. "There's bound to be at least some treasure, somewhere. Let's go find it, or else the admiral will so NOT be pleased."

The entire crew yells in agreement, "YEAH!" throwing up their arms except for Ron, who just stands there looking confused while the crew piles out of the boat rushing for the forest; leaving Ron alone in the boat.

"This is so not gonna be good." Ron sighs and drags his feet along the beach, towards the dark African forest.

* * *

"Um Kim?" Monique whispered in her ear; as the entire crew takes to whacking the African forest into submission.

"Yeah Monique?"

"What is it exactly that we're looking for?"

Kim shrugs, "Heck if I know."

"Well If you don't know and we don't know then how are we suppose to know when we've found it?"

Kim smiles cockily, "Luck I guess."

"Great," Monique sighs looking defeated. "I was afraid you were going to say that."

"Hey, don't be like that." She says striking a pose, "I'm a Possible and I can do anything…"

"Uh-huh." Monique does not look impressed, "And what if you don't know what it is you're trying to do."

"…"

* * *

Meanwhile Ron is lost in the African jungle, unable to keep up with the rest of the crew.

Ron Pants as he walks. "This is so wrong." Ron wipes off a bit of mud on his face. "All I wanted was some Mexican food and now I'm in the middle of the jungle with pirates…"

Rons stomach growls "AND I'M HUNGREY" he shouts in frustration at the sky falling to the ground with a pout.

Unfortunately for Ron his scream has woken an animal in the jungle… Some thing scary, something wrong sick something like…

"A naked mole Rat?" Ron blinks at the small critter shaking his fist at him angrily for waking him up.

"RUFUS!" chatters the creature crossing his arms and staring up at Ron with black button eyes.

"Hey sorry man.." Ron laughs "I didn't mean to wake you." He holds out his hand to Rufus. "Friends?"

Rufus considers the hand for a second before nodding "Ok!" Rufus quickly jumps onto Ron's proffered hand and climbs up his arm and snakes around his body making Ron giggle.

"WHAhaha!" Ron falls to the ground incapacitated with laughter "Cut it out Rufus!"

Rufus ends up on Ron's shoulder looking at him smugly; or as smugly as an abnormally smart rodent can look.

"heh-heh." Ronb scratches Rufus's head. Slowly calming down from his giggling high, "It's nice to finally have a friend out here."

"uh-huh!" agrees Rufus snuggling into Ron's chest with a contented sigh.

"Say…" Ron looks down at Rufus considering, Rufus looks back up at him, "you wouldn't happen to know where any treasure around here would be would you?"

Rufus puts his small claw to his face stroking his whiskers… "Uh-huh" he finally says. Jumping off Ron's shoulder and scampering off towards the east. "Thu-is Way!" He says stopping to make sure Ron is following him before continuing deeper into the forest

Well That's the end of chapter three. It's 1,000 words . WHoo! Throws party.

Next chapter we see more of Rufus and… I don't wanna spoil the rest.

This is also the first time I've ever written semi successful fluff O.o yeah I know it was light fluff but it was still fluff. And it's my biggest weak point.


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